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Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Secret previous sexual intercourse

One in ten women lie to their partners about how many previous lovers they’ve had. I can’t work out if that’s surprising or not but what does stagger me is why this conversation is happening in Stradas across the land in the first place. To my mind, this has ‘DON’T GO THERE’ scrawled all over it. For myriad reasons.

Everyone goes on about how ‘age aint nothing but a number.’ Well, why not the same judgement-free attitude towards sex? The fact that we worry about putting our number ‘out there’ shows that this bit of information is still loaded with assumption. I’ve heard all kinds of sane, smart men and women reel off their own utterly arbitrary rules on this. ‘More than 15 will make him think I’m easy. Less than 10 and I’ll look inexperienced...’ (Misguided.) ‘If I say the truth – three – he’ll think I’m frigid.’ (And you’re dating him because...?) ‘Saying more than 25 would make her feel insecure...’ 

Why is it anyone’s business? Yes, of course you need to delve into your sexual past if a trip to the STI clinic has revealed you’ve got a very intimate NBF but since when did this conversation become a given? You’ve agreed to date this person, not endure an Apprentice-style grilling on your sex CV. If the question comes up, how about a simple ‘I don’t think that’s really relevant... Now tell me, if you could be any fish, what kind of fish would you be?’ (Trust me, this is the kind of question you want to be asking on dates. Piranha, yowch! But kinda hot. 

And anyway, how come so many of you can pluck this number out of the ether anyway? I was an avid list-maker as a teenager. In fact, I had colour-coded lists so I could keep track of ‘boys I fancy’, ‘boys who potentially fancy me’ and ‘boys who are a sort’ (that was 1990s burbs-speak for ‘hot’). But I honestly couldn’t tell you how many men I’ve kissed or slept with. I can barely remember what I had for dinner last night. 

So can we all agree that sex isn’t a numbers game? Give up the mental tally. Quit the grilling. And let’s see every new relationship  for what it is: a fresh start. And a chance to ask people about the fish they most represent...

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Reasons why women cheat

She seeks the thrill. Some women cheat for the thrill of it. The excitement of doing things behind a partner’s back, the risk, the adrenaline rush, the desire are all very potent reasons for a woman to cheat. The cheating bit isn’t always emotional, it is in fact an out and out physical act that is engaged in for the thrill of it.

She wants more. The most obvious reason for a woman to cheat is that she isn’t getting enough sex or that she isn’t happy with what you have to offer. It is this happiness that results in her getting involved in an adulterous relationship. It is left to the man in the relationship to pull his socks up and fight for his woman. If you love her and want her, you have to go the extra mile and satisfy her.

She wants to get back at you. If you have cheated on her in the past, she could cheat on you just to get back at you. Yes, women can be rather revengeful if they so wish!

She is bored. Less or no experimentation in the bedroom can be one of the reasons a woman chooses to cheat. Women seek as much variation in the bedroom as men do and if her man cannot provide her the same, she is bound to look for it outside.

She feels neglected. This is the most common reason women give when asked why they cheated. Feeling neglected, unwanted or useless is what drives women to cheat. It is when their husbands or boyfriends ignore them that they take to finding companionship and solace in the company of others.

If you don’t want to go through the pain of being cheated, then it is up to you to ensure your woman is happy and satisfied. Give it your best shot and more and thus ensure that she has no excuse to cheat on you.